Looking Forward to Getting Out of Town

We have to travel to SC in 2 weeks for JP's 15 month doctor's appointment and I could not be happier about it. I can honestly say that I feel depression setting in and I'm really having a hard time.

For the past 2 weeks JP has been a little monster. Throwing temper tantrums because he's not getting his way and even resorting to hitting and biting me because of it. Things are better this week but I didn't know if I was going to make it with him acting like that. I didn't want to talk too much about it to Jason because who wants to hear nothing but complaining when you come home? Not me! I have also realized that I don't have a single friend here and that isn't going to change. No one is going to hang out with the daughter-in-law of their boss but it was at least nice to meet a few people even if it was just for one afternoon. It just really stinks since I'm used to being around friends all the time.

I have also started to get a feeling of worthlessness since I'm not making any money. I have not been paid in over a month now and the money I have from student loans has to last until January. That means I'm not buying anything extra or doing anything for myself. I don't even think that I can afford a haircut in the next few months. Part of it is me being stubborn but I refuse to ask Jason for money. I don't need or want an "allowance." I just need to do a SUPER job at making sure I don't buy anything that isnt't needed. Its more important that JP has diapers and milk than I have a bottle of wine in the house. I am fine with that since that is part of the deal of being a parent.

I know that I agreed to move here, not work, and stay home and take care of JP but its proving to be more difficult than I thought. I love the time I am getting with JP but I feel like I'm doing him a disservice by taking him out of daycare. I can't believe that I just said that. What kind of mom thinks that her kid is better off in daycare? This is the other thing I am struggling with. I get so frustrated during these temper tantrums and lonely days and nights that I think I'm being a bad mom. I find myself crying 2-3 night a week before Jason gets home. What kind of life am I living for the next 10 months?

Well at least I have the trip to SC to get me through the next 2 weeks...